Entries
Who am i kidding, really. . .
11:25 AM Wednesday, June 17, 2009
i realised. im blogging in a way,
not 20 years old should be doing.
and yes i noticed. i sounded loser-ish.
and i have no idea how on earth should a 20 years old's blog entries should sound like, anyway.
i just hate the fact that time is trickling away, seconds by seconds, minutes by minutes, hours by hours, day by day, week by week, months by months and so on and so forth. . . i do think everyone gets the gist here.
but like right, as if the perfect life will just appear in front of me right away. having the perfectto job as a illustrator, artist or freelance kidswear designer; earning enough to live in the perfect muji aka zen aka japanese simplistic living inspired kinda environment; at the same time earning enough to feed my parents; at the same time loving how my mackie shut downs on me occasionally and gets well at the next restart?; owning a golden labrador and a white cat at the same time; wishing that earth have no environment issues? guess what? i may even have my dream apartment in bare cement and the only paint i will use is environmentally friendly kind and its gonna be only cream and green colors.
and im swear right now, im not feeling bitchy ENOUGH to judge my friends AND their newfound loves.
what can i say? i seen too much of my besties' love lives, only to know better that its best to keep my comments to myself and scream the "SEE I TOLD YOU SO" look when they break up in the most unthinkable period, like say, one day? or maybe three months.
i love to see you guys prove me wrong. seriously. but please dont pull that oh-im-gonna-break-up-cause-i-realise-we-are-not-compatible after say, half a year. its wayyyyyyyyyyyy too taxing on anyone. fuck if you know this is going nowhere, please just kill the thing while its still in terms of, fresh. painful enough for either party to know, damned i should know this is gonna end up like that. instead of growing used to each other and trying to love and accept everything else that the other party had shown you (out of your usual expectations of course.) so when either one decides to love once again, the other decides its enough. thats when all tragedies in the world, find their common source.
but then again, perche no? *(why not?) prove me wrong babies. i'll be thrilled to hear wedding bells.
and i swear i meant what i typed. minus the fact its wee morning and im kinda groggy from reading three (acutally two and a half) paperbacks straight.
i dont care if im gonna get flamed for this. i really dont, for jove's sake. *fingers crossed*
cried and grew.
I don't really know but i do care for jove's sake, who are the ones who read my entries. . .
10:45 AM
actually, i used to blog everyday, cause everyday i had renewed and ongoing vigor for life and things i do.
then i had a certain pen style.
and i switched (or should i say, i change every now and then).
plus the fact, i got interested in English and Literature cause of the influence in secondary school.
not forgetting the cute Mr. Lim Yong Khern who is ever so strict with his marks for our papers and essays. to the point of kinda stingy. but he was quick to admit that he was stingy cause he hates to be generous with the marks to blow our egos out of proportions nor does he wants to be mean to put down peep's egos by failing.
which explains why, there's an excess of 15s, 16s and 17s upon 30 for essays, in our english band.
(pearl and i actually confronted him for the bell curve they love to talk about and not exercised in the case of Mr Lim's assessment of our essays. LOL. that dude cutely brought our papers to be assessed by Miss Serene Ow, teacher of the infamous (though slightly pompous but i do admit their english are how should i say? Excellent? Incredulous? Perfect? okay, understatement. they are magnifique.) okay, back to the reassessment by miss ow. she said we deserved better grades like 18 or 19 upon 30. which that can easily give us a B4 but still wayyyyyyy better than a C6.
nevertheless, i love my english teacher. hes cute and he loves his wife and daughter much. sweet.
i miss miss ow's scoldings. not that i really want to hear it every now and then, but yeah, its just it happens to be one of the few things in life whereby you know, man you so gonna miss it when its gone.
and online bickering with timot has never been good enough to be replaced by anything else in this world. they are real splendid memories. though i admit very much most of the time, we two dont make sense, and yes i DO ADMIT I DID TRY TO SOUND VERY CLEVER WHEN IM ACTUALLY PRETTY MUCH JUST TOO CAUGHT UP WANTING TO WIN. but that doesnt mean, i wasn't clever or anything near there. im brilliant, TIM knows it. *chuckles*
i pretty much have to find the goddamned closure. for i am not moving forward nor am i moving backwards. stagnant is. . . the stupid phase im going through now.
i fucking dont give a fucken damn about this online language etiquette. i dont even think i will be bothered by whoever is reading or was reading or WILL be reading ends up being affected by the use of so called vulgarities in my entries.
nothing will be stagnant forever but i wish i am not in this position right now. seriously, it sucks balls. i just wish things can be more transitional but yet, slow enough for my youth to stay. even so, i dont really think i should be saying this but i love to stay as young as possible of course. like all women in the world. but mature enough to be not like a childish freak.
if only, if only. . . but that is all but wishful thinking on my part.
*sighs ruefully*
cried and grew.
coming back for more.
11:44 PM Tuesday, June 09, 2009
these few days
im taking a break from MOST people.
in fact everyone has been busy to come together.
so am i. i need alone time.
i can take loneliness as my friend. as long as i have money to love and pamper self.
watched a bit of movies nowadays. liked them. felt them. now i think i need translate the relaxation back to everyday life. STOP PROCRASTINATING JESSICA YOU FOOL! do your work dear and do it right.
righttt. hookays people. ciaociao.
cried and grew.
the perfection of flaws and beauty all rolled in one. . . hearts*
9:42 AM Monday, May 25, 2009
maybe im plain obsessed. but i cant be faulted. hes too cute. even goh huiqi loves him. hahaha that woman. he melts me. he definitely does. <3
cried and grew.
WOAH WOAH WOAH!
10:14 AM Sunday, May 24, 2009
give your hands up for muse for this lovely rendition. i love heath ledger's version for 10things i hate about you movie (: and of course, Andy William's original <3
im soooooooo excited. i'm gonna bid my time to get something i have taken a strong liking to. hopefully i get it in due respect and time.
wait for me, blackbird,fly!
i want you! hahahahaha!
(oh yes, i guess i have taken interest in lomo. high maintenance ah but oh well. its so gorgeous!)
cried and grew.
its a weird weird world. . .
2:36 AM Saturday, May 23, 2009
got a new band i like, bat for lashes.
THANKS AUDREY~! this is dope.
today morning im really happy teaching little zachary. the one who dares to demand half of my meals to be shared with him. lol.
he's a really good boy recently. i'm glad. seems like i found a way to teach him already.
then jeslyn and shermaine came together and both of them are sooooo noisy today. T-T*
both had fun screaming different weird chantings of their own and both wanted me to give them attention. i felt like splitting myself into halves so they can have equal attention.
aiyoooo i feel like today they made me feel super tired. lol.
yesterday i was teaching at josiah montessori. checked out an intro to jazz class at the jitterbugs, i guess im interested in dancing jazz (:
sophie and gabriel wasnt there for class yesterday, boohoo. the other kids are real cute and sweet though. (:
met Julie. she's real good.
anyhow, im feeling weird. tomorrow's the day, for all the things that are gonna to happen.
cried and grew.
happy mode.
7:59 AM Thursday, May 21, 2009
happy only. truly.
cried and grew.
cheer up ashie, this one is for you la. (((:
4:11 AM Wednesday, May 20, 2009
ashie, dont say i never remember you. hahahahahahaa. i almost died laughing.
heart aches when i see stanley so unglam. omg someone please shoot the stylist. THAT WIG IS HIDEOUS. seriously. LOL
im certain my eyes seen things i dont want to see. like ever. sigh.
cried and grew.